THIS POST GOING BE LONGGG AND PICTURELESS . RANTING ABOUT SOME OF MY PROBLEMS :( if you want to read , read at your own risk ! xD hehs !

wonder whats happening to me these day . feeling so fucked up almost everyday . i fucking need money , i fucking need job sia . anyone know any job kindly intro me pls ! any job will do ! (: firstly , seeing ppl buying nice clothes , nice shoes , i cant buy no matter how much i desperately want it . i can only smell those clothes in the shop and see other ppl taking away those clothes i want ! :( super sad the feeling know ? and some times i just want buy some snacks , choclates , i have to stay in the shop so long and think if i should buy , and in the end , i just walk off without buying . cause im tight with cash and i dont want ppl or bf to spend away unecessary money on me ! pathetic eh ? ya , and sometimes , i tend to compare prices like which is cheaper all that . gosh , feel so aunty la . but what to do ? you all will never understand unless you are in my shoes . seriously .

secondly , sometimes i just feel so fucking hungry . seeing ppl and friends eat nice nice food , nice nice drinks , nice dessert as much as i really wanna buy , i cant ! cause i aint have any fucking money :( shit . and when ppl ask me , you wanna eat ? i just reply , no . and when they ask me why ? know what i said ? " cause i wanna slim down . " zzz . argh . im skinny alr la , i dont have to slim down la ! in my heart , brain , body , soul , i seriosuly wanna eat ! seeing ppl eat and i cant eat sucks . esp when im hungry ! =/ damn . and when i hate it when i see the ppl i love , like boyfriend , have to provide me with food especially when they themselves are so broke ! its like extra mouth to feed on when they are financially tight ! :( saded know ? its like i feel im being a burden to him . without me , he most prob can eat good food , and dont need to save money for me to keep me alive ? hais . i feel so sad in my heart . its like , he needs money for himself too ya ? hais . fuck all the jobs . why isit i have been finding jobs but just cant get any ? and all my friends can ? whats the matter la . maybe some where , i have gone wrong .

hais . thirdly , know today on bus going home , i feel so sad . you had to give me your last 10 bucks to top up my ez link card and you needed money to top up your card too . but you chose to give it to me . i feel so bad and sad la . hais . and on the bus , you have to tap your card cause the stupid bus driver just cant give in though we gave coins . damn . and in the end , you have to use up your last few bucks in your bank to top up your card . =/ hais. i really feel so bad , its like because you have to provide for my daily expenses and you have used up all your money alr .

i really feel so pathetic . i cant even support myself and have to rely on you . really , i feel money is everything in this world la . ok , maybe not everything . but MOST . without money , you may be happy , but with money , you definately confirm , chop , will be much happier ! aint it ? hais . think most of my friends have been quite disappointed in me ba ? and sometimes , i admit im disppointed in myself too . cause i always link things with money . like what yong jun said to me . " talking to you irritate me . talk to you until pek chek. " ya , cause i think i said smth like , " i give you the thing to help you remove your black heads , and kaching kaching $$$$$$$$$$$$$ " see , and he got irritated . its not just once also -.- i understand how they feel . but , hais . i really dont like myself being like this too . but what to do ? im really in need for money , thus my head is all about money these days :( i dont want become a burden to ppl around me , like bf who cant even have enough to support himself and has to support me . heartbreaking know ? :(

i really need money sia . and its getting in my nerves . i need money is not to have fun and play la ! its for food ? outside foood cause like 4 bucks . money for my phone bills . like , 30 bucks . money for my contacts , like 130 bucks . and money for transportation ? and adult fare is fucking ex i tell you all . curse the person who made the fare so ex la . 10 bucks top up , 2 days GONE . one week how much ? 50 bucks transport . =/ total for one week i need like 70 bucks ? and look , is one week k ! without counting my phone money and lens . how am i going survive ? i dont receive money from my parents . zzz . and pls , i really dont want you to support me la . each time you do , and i see your wallet at the end of the day , no more money left ! oh my . i really feel so pathetic and such a leech . like sucking away your money . and esp its coming from the one i love , makes me feel even more sader .

pls , got job pls tell me ! im looking around alr , look at newspaper all that but cant seem to find . they either want full time or those who can work permanent . gosh . not say i did not put in an effort to find la ! feeling so fustrated these days . and because of this , i threw attitude at bf today at marina . feeling so down . throw attitude , cold war , threw some tears away and settled by apologising to him . sorryyyy :( next time any problem i face , i will tell you k ? i just dont want you worry for me , understand ? i hate it when my problems become people problems :( i hate to see ppl feeling sad cause of me know ? hais . ok , im done ranting . and i realise everything i said is about money . seriously , i dont wanna become a money face lor . $.$ shit .

to thommas :
i really wanna thank you all these while for supporting me , feeding me , taking care of my daily expenses , tolerating my attitudeness , and everything . & without once , shouting or complaining at all . thanks ! i feel so glad to have found you sweety . you are my everything know ? , though i know i may seldom tell you those mushy mushy lovely dovey things and though i know you feel that im not sticky enough to you all that . haha . but i know you know i love you alot still right ? haha ! a big thanks , and i love you ! :D muacksxsxsxs! *