to those who dunno wads going on ,
keep your fucking mouth to yourself .
stop going around spreading untrue things bout me.
& talk bad behind my back .

& YOU , fucking stop calling me a bitch

pissed . _|_

sweety , i never believed it would hurt so much . times and times again , we tried on , knowing that each time , we failed miserably . every once, the trust is build up again , it shatters immediately . is not you , is not me . its us . maybe we just aint very suitable .

just ask yourself, how many zillion of times had we broke & patch since we started 10 months ago ? i know , i still love you . but many times , i'm trying hard to force myself to forget . why have we gone through so much together but still the trust aint there ? many ppl dun understand what we are going through . many , label our relationship as , 'messy' .

this incident , the holiday thingy , was the greatest blow to me . before you decide to lie your way through , have you thought of all the consequences ? to you , it may mean nothing . its just only a lie , a huge lie . so ? but to me , i force myself to forgive you . seriously , im not sure if i still have the face to go your house and see your family . you told me , nevermind one wad also nothing . LOOK , your whole family lied to me leh . not one day , two day , is weeks ! you enjoy it la ? think i wont find out la ? pls la , when you want to lie , pls clear up all the evidence and do it cleanly . im not stupid ok ? i have brains !

im not sure if i have the guts to face you nad your family . cause each time i see you all , it will remind me of what you all did . i really felt betrayed la . i trusted you all completely , yet , you all chose to lie to me . wadever , doubt you will ever understand how i feel la . just to tell you , i really still love you alot .

but love may means letting go completely. its hard for me i know . but because of you , i will sacrifice . maybe ? ay , im confused la . Though i know i love you , but seriously, this seperation for the time being, for two weeks , i have learn to let go much . distance will make us drift apart .

things may start to change when you return . cause , i will learn to protect myself . but , trust me , i still love you no matter what . this time , it is not your fault , not my fault . its us . lets take it that heaven is trying to make a fool out of us ba . [:

this few weeks , its really hard for me . thanks to ALL MY FRIENDS who was there for me . esp sharmaine . pei me for so many day ! haha . but love , rmb i really still love you . we just see how it goes when you return . i know i care alot for you this few days . worrying every second . but deep in my heart , im learning to forget . i said i forgive you . but have i really forgave ? im not sure . our love is that torturing . all along, i thought love was a happy thing . i was wrong .

its been two days . i have still not recieve any calls from you love . i still do not know when you will return home . i have been emoing alot for the past few days . lying on my bed doing nothing . thinking of our past . this seperation really tell me how much i really need you . im not sure but in my heart, i believe i have already take it that you will be mine forever. im really afraid that i will not be able to see you any more. cause you went to a far away place . some where which is very dangerous . really, do not buy anything for me, your safety is good enough . take care of yourself ok sweety ?

i dunno why , i have been keep checking my friendster this two days . & im really very happy to recieve your comment la ! like , knowing that , you still bother to find a computer there and write comment to me , im really happy . once i receive your comment , immediately , i will be happy again for few hours. But after awhile , i will be sad again . worrying for you . ps , i will be looking forward for your comment everyday . do write for me to let me know that you are safe love ! [:

ps, i know you will be mine forever . all the silly, bad, funny, enjoyable times we had. i will never forget . you change my life . without you , i really dunno how to carry on with my life .


remember you once told me , i want you to continue controlling me . if you are suddenly gone , i really not use to no one controlling me anymore . & you also said . we live in our world only . no body else but only the two of us . im really touched by every single things you do for me. All the things you bought for me . even when you at overseas , you even thought of buying things for me. ask me what i want . in japan , you bought loads of food for me . in taiwan , you bought loads
of clothes for me . this time, you bought a dior make up set for me . i really apreciate all that you done for me . im really sorry if i had hurt you many time and you still forgive me .

& i really also appreciate all that your family have done for me . esp your mum . all that your mother had done for me . though im not her daughter, but she still treat me like one. dote on me. im really glad. i really feel very happy with you and your family you know? now that my family likes you alot too , all the dinner , birthday , karoke sessions you had with my family . im sure we will last . last to the end of time . i swear i had never love anyone as much as i had for you. [: you changed me . i just need you to be with me sweety . promise me ? [: