made darling sad today again :( supposed to meet him early today , like 1 oclock . but i keep sleeping ! he called me and i showed a little attitude to him . cause i was so tired , and just feel a little hot tempered . sorrryyy . :( i know i know , i keep saying sorry each time i do something wrong . and yet again , i repeat the same mistake ! ahh . so maybe my sorry wont meant much to you already . hais . =/ so , turned out that we met and 5 plus instead . so little time tgt . you are alr working , and today you didnt go work because of me and yet, i only think of sleeping and meet you so late. hais , i know , my fault once again . went down jurong point watch movie , kung fu chef , hmm , quite ok la the show , rate it 7/10 ? hahaha . bought jumbo hotdog before the movie . and guess what happen ! i opened the container to put the sauce and the bread and hotdog , dropped on the floor sia ! the hotdog rolled away ! saded ! darling said he wanted to by another one for me . i was like , aiya , nvm la ! drop on the floor still can eat la . hahaa . the most stomach pain only , wont die ! lol . stand there arguing with him for 10 min like that . lol . in the end , i said , aiya , we try ask the person see can change one new one for us not ! hahaha . and the person so nice !! agree to change the dirty hotdog and bread for us sia . heh heh . =p pity the other people who took my dropped piece . hahaha ! after the show , went explore the new jurong point (: hahaha . i dunno why , im so so crazy over shoes nowadys . haha . esp those with heels. haha . but sadly , i cant buy much of them , cause im alr tall ! sad , how i wish i can grow shorter man . i envy short people seriously , cause they get to wear high high heels :( anyway i can grow shorter people ? haha . caught the last train home (: haha .

life is pretty the same lately . & im upset cause my DAE application was unsucessful ! :( which means i cant get into tp sia . and im not sure if i can continue my studies anymore . sad ! & heard that republic poly DAE application have not closed yet , so i tried my luck and apply to enter RP . heard from friends that this is a losy poly man :( and its so frigging far from my house ! another end sia . -.- what to do ? afterall , having a diploma is better than having only a olevel cert . sian , hope can get in sia ! but on the brighter note , nisa is applyin to republic poly too ! :D and heard that the facilities there are great , and the poly is beautiful (?) lol ! pray pray pray to let me in !

and recently , sort of quarelled with somone on msn . its been so long since i last quarelled with some one lo . and to think , that person i quarelled with is you . didnt except us to turn out like this . guess , everything started cause of me . afterall , im the one at fault few months back . =/

thommas is off to work ! :( today is his first day ! gave him a surprise this morning . made sandwiched for him . hahaha ! hope he is happy ? heh heh . xD he will be working almost everyday . which means , we will be spending lesser time we each other alr :( saddd ! dont worry , i will find you after your work even if its late in the night ! (: hahaha . everyone having a job . whens my turn ?! sharmaine , intro me a job today . hope to hear from you soon girl (:

&&& ! today on the mrt , i told darling this , " hey , i realised today when you were sleeping , you look like a bull dog ! " LOL ! seriously man ! i think he really look like bull dog when he sleeping la ! haahaha . a cute one though . xD lol ! i should take a picture of him sleeping for evidence la . heh heh . and i asked him , " look at me , tell me what animal i look like the most . " guess wat he say ? he said this , " hmm , think you look like monkey !! hou zi ! " hahaha ! i was like ya ya ya ! you are not the first person say i look like hou zi la ! hahahaha . got other ppl tell me say i look like monkey lehhhhhh . piang ! really meh ?! ( see the picture above , i myself think abit look like monkey leh ! lolol ) but nvm , cause i think monkeys are kinda cute creature ! much better than bull dog . =p TSK !

THIS POST GOING BE LONGGG AND PICTURELESS . RANTING ABOUT SOME OF MY PROBLEMS :( if you want to read , read at your own risk ! xD hehs !

wonder whats happening to me these day . feeling so fucked up almost everyday . i fucking need money , i fucking need job sia . anyone know any job kindly intro me pls ! any job will do ! (: firstly , seeing ppl buying nice clothes , nice shoes , i cant buy no matter how much i desperately want it . i can only smell those clothes in the shop and see other ppl taking away those clothes i want ! :( super sad the feeling know ? and some times i just want buy some snacks , choclates , i have to stay in the shop so long and think if i should buy , and in the end , i just walk off without buying . cause im tight with cash and i dont want ppl or bf to spend away unecessary money on me ! pathetic eh ? ya , and sometimes , i tend to compare prices like which is cheaper all that . gosh , feel so aunty la . but what to do ? you all will never understand unless you are in my shoes . seriously .

secondly , sometimes i just feel so fucking hungry . seeing ppl and friends eat nice nice food , nice nice drinks , nice dessert as much as i really wanna buy , i cant ! cause i aint have any fucking money :( shit . and when ppl ask me , you wanna eat ? i just reply , no . and when they ask me why ? know what i said ? " cause i wanna slim down . " zzz . argh . im skinny alr la , i dont have to slim down la ! in my heart , brain , body , soul , i seriosuly wanna eat ! seeing ppl eat and i cant eat sucks . esp when im hungry ! =/ damn . and when i hate it when i see the ppl i love , like boyfriend , have to provide me with food especially when they themselves are so broke ! its like extra mouth to feed on when they are financially tight ! :( saded know ? its like i feel im being a burden to him . without me , he most prob can eat good food , and dont need to save money for me to keep me alive ? hais . i feel so sad in my heart . its like , he needs money for himself too ya ? hais . fuck all the jobs . why isit i have been finding jobs but just cant get any ? and all my friends can ? whats the matter la . maybe some where , i have gone wrong .

hais . thirdly , know today on bus going home , i feel so sad . you had to give me your last 10 bucks to top up my ez link card and you needed money to top up your card too . but you chose to give it to me . i feel so bad and sad la . hais . and on the bus , you have to tap your card cause the stupid bus driver just cant give in though we gave coins . damn . and in the end , you have to use up your last few bucks in your bank to top up your card . =/ hais. i really feel so bad , its like because you have to provide for my daily expenses and you have used up all your money alr .

i really feel so pathetic . i cant even support myself and have to rely on you . really , i feel money is everything in this world la . ok , maybe not everything . but MOST . without money , you may be happy , but with money , you definately confirm , chop , will be much happier ! aint it ? hais . think most of my friends have been quite disappointed in me ba ? and sometimes , i admit im disppointed in myself too . cause i always link things with money . like what yong jun said to me . " talking to you irritate me . talk to you until pek chek. " ya , cause i think i said smth like , " i give you the thing to help you remove your black heads , and kaching kaching $$$$$$$$$$$$$ " see , and he got irritated . its not just once also -.- i understand how they feel . but , hais . i really dont like myself being like this too . but what to do ? im really in need for money , thus my head is all about money these days :( i dont want become a burden to ppl around me , like bf who cant even have enough to support himself and has to support me . heartbreaking know ? :(

i really need money sia . and its getting in my nerves . i need money is not to have fun and play la ! its for food ? outside foood cause like 4 bucks . money for my phone bills . like , 30 bucks . money for my contacts , like 130 bucks . and money for transportation ? and adult fare is fucking ex i tell you all . curse the person who made the fare so ex la . 10 bucks top up , 2 days GONE . one week how much ? 50 bucks transport . =/ total for one week i need like 70 bucks ? and look , is one week k ! without counting my phone money and lens . how am i going survive ? i dont receive money from my parents . zzz . and pls , i really dont want you to support me la . each time you do , and i see your wallet at the end of the day , no more money left ! oh my . i really feel so pathetic and such a leech . like sucking away your money . and esp its coming from the one i love , makes me feel even more sader .

pls , got job pls tell me ! im looking around alr , look at newspaper all that but cant seem to find . they either want full time or those who can work permanent . gosh . not say i did not put in an effort to find la ! feeling so fustrated these days . and because of this , i threw attitude at bf today at marina . feeling so down . throw attitude , cold war , threw some tears away and settled by apologising to him . sorryyyy :( next time any problem i face , i will tell you k ? i just dont want you worry for me , understand ? i hate it when my problems become people problems :( i hate to see ppl feeling sad cause of me know ? hais . ok , im done ranting . and i realise everything i said is about money . seriously , i dont wanna become a money face lor . $.$ shit .

to thommas :
i really wanna thank you all these while for supporting me , feeding me , taking care of my daily expenses , tolerating my attitudeness , and everything . & without once , shouting or complaining at all . thanks ! i feel so glad to have found you sweety . you are my everything know ? , though i know i may seldom tell you those mushy mushy lovely dovey things and though i know you feel that im not sticky enough to you all that . haha . but i know you know i love you alot still right ? haha ! a big thanks , and i love you ! :D muacksxsxsxs! *

today , supposed to meet glenda and thommas at 2 ! i was super late . =/ as usual . really very angry with myself sia . why cant i just be early for once ?! michelle ! damn . made glenda angry with me , made glenda yelled at thommas , made thommas waited downstair for me for very long :( its all all my fault . and when i reached , i dunno why i showed attitude to thommas . its like my fault , and i knew it ! but i just cant control myself . cause im angry with myself , thus i showed attitude to the ppl around me , venting my anger to the ppl around me . shit man . i hate myself to be like this and im trying to change ! but its hard . sorry thommas . really sorry . and sorry glenda for ruining our plan . and really really , i promise you all , i wont be late again ! no , i mean if i may be late , but i wont be late for so long anymore . promise ! (:

so , change plans . went ws with thommas , slack at library and waited for nisa to come , trained down to fareast walk around . then over to my house for some movie . haha . coming over again on friday to ton ! :D yay ! ok , gonna meet glenda at 4 tmr ! PLEASE PLEASE MICHELLE ! DONT BE LATE !!! :( ok , you will be a pig if you are late ! *pray hard , wake up early ! *

valentine , valentine , valentineeeeee ~ ! :D unforgetable , memoriable ? haha . morning , around 11 , got ppl come send flower to me . lol ! many many thanks to yong jun for giving me those roses (: happy la , never act one happy okay . so dont keep saying i fake ! =/ haha . thommas , came my house around 1 , to wait for me early morning , he went down cathay buy movie tickets alr . touched man ! (: waiting for me prepare finish , he talked with my dad . wonder what they talk about la . tsk ! 2 plus , we went down cathay watch the movie . watch pink panther 2 . super funny sia ! i recommend those who haven watch the show to go watch , you will never regret watching ! can laugh until stomach pain la . hehs ! afterwards , went down ps walk walk , while waiting for glenda and richson to meet us . (: went to arcade play with thommas ! haha . around 7 , we went down clark quay meet glenda , richson ! haha . the guys , took us on a boat ride at the singapore river . lol ! first time taking that boat . lol . 13 bucks sia , for like 15 minutes ride? lol ! ex sia . haha . wanted to eat at makansutra . but so many people there sia ! super crowded and hot ! so we went food court eat instead :D haha . after eating , went esplanade there slack . lol . 11 plus , went back home to catch the last train . were supposed to come over my house to have movie maraton . but last minute nisa cant , so cancelled =/ saded . haha . anyway had lots of fun today ! thanks thommas , who never fail to make my day ! :D i glad to know you sweety . (:

today , met up with nisa ! (: slack at down town east mac . didnt had any make up on today . haha ! my face for once felt real . haha ! decided to have a hair cut together with nisa . 18 bucks ! my hairrrrrrrrrrr =/ miss my old hair lots la ! saded :( isnt really nice man . damn ! how i wish i could paste back my hair :( look so weird nowwwwwwww . but i know train will still love me :D hahaha ! today night , something happened made me very sad and disappointed . but nvm , cause i really wanted to surprise you and didnt want to let you know where i was going . hais . super sad . but i was so sorry , i should have ans your call and reply your msges . seeing you cry , makes me even sader you know . i dunno why , the minute you cry , how i wish i was right there beside you . how i wish i could just give you a big hug and tell you everything is fine , cause i will always be there for you no matter what . (: *hugsss*

& yong jun ! wonder what you are up to . keep asking me funny questions today -.- lol .

monday , wen to meet thommas and his friends and bukit timah play pool . (: haha . its been awhile since i went down bukit timah . beauty world , i.r.c , railway bus stop . brings me back to a place where i once felt like home . hahaha . memories ! (: anyway , after pool , went down amk find glenda and richson . after they left , slack with thommas at amk library , cam whore alot with him ! ^^ hehe . never fail to make me smile every single day . * hugs * sorry , i was upset with you that day though i knew it was my fault . sorryyyyy . =/

today , went thommas , glenda and yewhao at vivo (: went shopping ! but didnt buy anything. just window shopping . haha . went home around 9 at slack downstair with thommas awhile (: hahaha . i feel so happy hanging out with you all today ! ^^ cant wait for k boxing , valentine , and more outing with you all ! (: